Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes….

These are just a few changes I would make to ease things along.  I’ll post more of them as time goes on.

The first thing that I would change is the name ‘football’.  The whole world calls what we call soccer football, and since many more people call it football than soccer we should be the ones to change.  Not to mention that since the rules of “soccer” ( soccer? I don’t even know her! )prevent picking up or touching the ball, football makes a lot more sense.  So American (and probably Canadian) football should become- are you ready for this?- “sportsball”.  And not just because it sounds like something Mr. Burns would say (“How about that local sportsball team?”)  It sounds cool too, we can have sportsball helmets and sportsball matches and Canadian sportsball teams.  Best of all we can all go back to ignoring soccer! Good ol' American spotrsball!

The next thing we should change is Christmas.  Every year it’s the same tired old controversies- Christmas is getting to commercial, they’re trying to take Christmas out of the holiday- they’re calling it a holiday tree/sale/season!  This one is easy.   Take all the non-religious crap away from Christmas and move it to New Year’s.  Gift giving, Santa, trees all the commercial crap becomes New Years presents, New Years trees, Santa comes on New Years eve.  This will leave Christmas a totally religious holiday for the Christians to do whatever it is they like to do(deny themselves, pray, go to church)  while the rest of us can enjoy our secular commercialized sales, gifts, trees, and New Year’s Day cookies in peace without offending or forcing religion down anyone’s throat.

We should also institute a ‘personal space’ zone. Each individual would be entitled to three feet of unoccupied space in all directions around him/herself when in public.  Too many times especially in grocery stores I have about eight seconds to chose a product from the shelve before there is a stampede of customers just dying to see what I find so fascinating. (“what’s he looking at?”) They also like to block the shelves like defending NBA guards as if their lives depended on me not getting a box of “Pop-Tarts”.  Once I was in an almost uninhabited bank when this lady came in and stood in line right behind me.  And when I say right behind me, I mean RIGHT BEHIND me!  She was so close I could not only hear her breathing but could occasionally feel her touching me.  If she hadn’t been so attractive I might have said something.  Please- can’t we all just give each other some space?

More to come.