Government Please…

Just about everyone has a sad story about their having to deal with the government, either on the local, state, or federal levels, and few of these stories have a very  happy ending.  I too, have had my share of encounters with unmotivated and underwhelming buearocratic placeholders, incompetent cogs who’s only goal is to get through the day, week, next twenty years to collect a promised pension that probably will evaporate eleven minutes before the end of their last day.  You hear all of  these one sided stories, and you begin to believe that we are served by a race of evil, mindless stumbling blocks, placed in our collective way to prevent anything from getting accomplished.

My experience however, has been of a different nature entirely.  That is not to say that I have not suffered abuses, usually at the hands of local government (which is the most infuriating, by the way- seems the closer the bureaucracy the more idiotic it is).  Two instances come to mind.  The first was when I had a legal issue and needed to know exactly what the state laws said.  I called the state attorney generals  office and was at first disheartened, as I was forced to leave a message.  This will go  nowhere I immediately thought, and almost hung up without leaving a message.  To my pleasant surprise I not only received a call back within an hour, the intelligent young lady who called knew exactly what my issue were but which laws applied, and exactly where in the general statutes they were located so that i could reference them later.  this was enormously helpful, ridding me instantly of the problem and saving me countless amounts of money and time.  Your state government at work ladies and gentlemen.

My next challenge was at the federal level.  Absolutely no way I make it through this unscathed I thought.  So I gathered up my information and headed for my local social security offices, very early of course as I was sure this would be a multiple day event.  Patiently waiting for my turn, I watched as numerous individuals tried and failed to get satisfactory service from the federal employees behind the little glass windows.  Eventually, it was my turn, and with a sense of impending  doom I slowly approached the window, certain i would be sent packing in short order unhelped, deterred, and broken hearted.  When I told the nice lady why i was there, she immediately began pulling forms form her various stacks and compiling for her what surely would be a leisurely few hours of a question and answer fest.  I stopped her right away and told her that I had already obtained the forms, filled them out, and now only needed to file them.  Her expression of outright surprise was considerable, a mixture of cautious optimism and severe doubt, as she slowly accepted the forms, almost certain that this was some sort of trick.  She began to peruse the  forms I gave her, scanning them top to bottom as she turned each page her mood brightening with every correctly filled out line.  Now it was my turn to be surprised.  She started calling out to her coworkers “Look, this guy has all his forms, information sheets, and contact references all filled out and in the proper order!” as if such a thing had never happened before.

As I reflected back on my time awaiting my turn i realized that it hadn’t happened before, at least not that day when i was there.  While I was waiting, person after person was either turned away for being either completely unprepared, or settling in for a long day of watching a federal employee wasting dozens of government pay hours filling out forms that could have been more easily completed elsewhere.  A seemingly competent person would approach the window and state “I need to such and such”.  the clerk would not even ask if they had filled out the proper forms, as they walk across the room empty handed. The clerk would simply pull out a form and start asking the questions, “name?”, “ blah blah”. Good. they got one right. “Doctor’s name?” – “ I think it’s blah”.  “doctor’s phone #?” - “I don’t know.” “Doctor’s address?” - “I don’t know.” “name of your condition?” - “Ies hurt when I doos this.” they say while waving an arm about wildly. “That’s not an approved condition.”  “Did you bring your social security card?” - “I knows the number.”  “We have to SEE the card, (sigh) take these forms home and fill them out completely and we’ll file them then, any questions?”  “Yeah, whens do I gets my check?”   Everyone knows a form can be filled out much quicker and more efficiently by two people than by one who should know all the answers.  The money wasted having the federal government filling out just the name and address portions of all these forms could probably take care of the deficit all by itself.

I’m sure all those ill prepared and unhappy patrons who left disgruntled before me regaled all their friends and family with hilarious tales of their fruitless encounters with the incompetent federal workforce.  My only complaint would be the cattle-like way everyone is herded up to the windows one at a time.  But that too is a necessity I'm sure, if they did business by appointment only no doubt in my mind that all these people would show up just the same, sans appointment.